The 7 Step Idiot’s Guide To Camping (How NOT To Go Camping)

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If you are tired of all the “rules” you have to follow when going camping, this article is for you! Here 7 super easy ways you can break the rules and ruin a camping trip…have fun!

1: Don’t Secure Your Food Items - Bears And Other Wild Animals Are Too Scared Of You To Bother Your Food

People who tell you to store your food out of the reach of wild animals have just been reading too many westerns. As all normal people know, bears and other wild animals are very scared of people - no wild animal is going to venture into your camp to steal your food. So save yourself the trouble, and just pile your food on the ground outside your tent.

2: Pack Everything You Might Possibly Want - Packing Light Is For Wimps

Ever heard the advice to “pack light” when you’re going camping? Humph - that proverb is only for total wimps. Any real outdoorsman is tough enough to pack everything he needs or wants to his campsite. So go ahead and load up - you want plenty of beer and games so you can have fun, right?

3: Don’t Worry About Campfire Safety - That Stupid Smokey Bear Will Keep Your Fire From Getting Out Of Control

Have you ever wondered what Smokey Bear is smoking? “Only you can stop campfires”??? Please, get real! Campfires aren’t dangerous - you can just leave them and they will burn out without harming anything at all. Every camper knows THAT! So go ahead and fire up a nice big bonfire, sit back, and bring out the beer.

4: Don’t Spend Too Much Time Picking Your Camping Spot - Your Sleeping Bag Will Keep You From Feeling Any Rocks And Sticks

Once you get to your chosen campsite, just get your tent pitched quickly and start having fun. You don’t need to remove sticks or stones before you pitch your tent, either. Any decent sleeping bag will provide plenty of padding so you can’t feel what is under your tent.

5: Don’t Read The Rules Or Signs Where You Are Camping - All The Park Rangers Are Home Asleep At Night

If you really want to get the best possible camping spot, just go pick one! Don’t worry about or even read the laws or signs - they will just cramp your style. All the park rangers are home asleep anyways, so they’ll never see you. Besides, you could just tell them you didn’t see the sign.

6: Don’t Pack Drinking Water Or A Water Purifier - You Can Just Drink Right From The Creek

Pssst. In case you haven’t heard, the idea that creeks aren’t safe to drink from was a myth started by the communists back during the Cold War. It’s just not true - you don’t need to purify water - just drink right from the creek and you’ll be fine. Water purifiers are too expensive anyway.

7: Don’t Pack A Tent Fly Or Groundcloth - All Tents Are WaterPROOF

As anyone knows, tents are made of plastic, which is waterproof. Hence, do not buy a fly or groundcloth for your tent - those are just ways for the tent companies to make extra money off of you. You’ll stay perfectly dry and comfortable with your tent - no tent fly or groundcloth needed.

How Else Could You Have This Much Fun?

So, yeh…follow these rules and have fun. If you follow these rules correctly you are almost guaranteed to do one or more of the following:

1 - Have way more adventure than you planned on
2 - Drop by the local jail for awhile (or a long time, depending on how many acres your campfire-turned-forest fire burns)
3 - Win a Darwin Award
4 - End up on StupidVideos.com
5 - Have a great story to tell your kids about what NOT to do

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